


First Date

by WaywardPrimrose



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1691864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardPrimrose/pseuds/WaywardPrimrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two-shot. Cas and Sam have captured demon!Dean and are attempting to humanize him using blood and his connection to them. Focuses on Castiel’s interaction with Dean at two key points in the process from the early stage to the end. An unlikely ‘first date’ story emerges. Spoilers – Season 9 up to and including the final.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Date

* * * * * * * * *

“Cas don’t. I’m not who you think I am,” Dean warned. His hands and feet were bound to the chair in Crowley’s old cell. It hurt seeing him like this. Seeing him black eyed and writhing, a demons trap the only thing holding him there, but at least he was safe. At least there was finally a chance they could help. 

“Dean’s gone Cas. You’re in love with a ghost. Let me go or you’re gonna get hurt.” 

“No. You’re not gone. A demon wouldn’t call me Cas. A demon wouldn’t care if I got hurt.” 

“Look at my eyes Cas. You understand in a way Sam can’t or won’t. I’m not your Dean. I’m a shell. I’ve done terrible things, I’m not a hunter. Either kill me or let me go because this blood shit doesn’t work. It turned Crowley into a junkie and no way am I turning out like that.” 

“We’ve all done bad things Dean. You’ve forgiven Sam and me and you’ll forgive yourself eventually. I’m sorry this is going to hurt you but it will help. It will work. We will bring you back,” Cas vowed as he drew the blood carefully into the syringe and advanced on the black-eyed demon. 

Dean’s eyes flashed green, the demon making himself look human to better plead his case. “Don’t! Don’t your bastard don’t! I love you, you can have me like this, you don’t need the blood, you don’t need to do this Cas, just untie me. Meg was good enough for you wasn’t she? You never tried to change her. Sam slept with Ruby, you don’t need to do this.” 

The bleeding eyes tore at Cas’ heartstrings but hearing the words he’d always wanted to hear said like this, to manipulate him, stung harder, like a 1000 volt battery to his heart. Determination and anger surged though him along with the desperate need to see his Dean, the real Dean. 

Dean screamed as the human blood surged through his veins. He could feel that it was Sam’s and somehow that made it both worse and better, because it was Sam’s the reaction was stronger but more painful. The humanity burned through his body, flooding him with emotion. So much pain. So much want. So alive. Dean had never experimented with narcotics but he wondered if this was what it was like. A high that was both enlightening and destroying; a drug that simultaneously made and unmade him, it was overwhelming, like falling into an abyss, drowning at the bottom of the ocean and being burned alive all at once. There were too many sensations, too many feelings, too many memories, too many desires. 

But somehow he swam to the surface, guided the touch of Cas’ hand. The angel was caressing Dean’s right arm with one hand while smoothing his hair with his left. 

“Cas?.... Cas… I’m sorry… I made a mistake… So many mistakes.” Tears pricked at his eyes. “Cas you gotta gank me. You’ve gotta make Sam understand. I’m too dangerous.” 

“No Dean. We’ll bring you back. We are bringing you back.”

“It won’t work. It’s not like with Crowley. The mark. It controls me. It broke me. I’m Crowley’s plaything now, he’ll come for me, the lonely SOB things we’re brothers, he’ll take me back and then I won’t be me, I’ll hurt people. You can’t let me. Cas you have to end me. Now. While you can. I’m begging you.” 

“No. We’re prepared for Crowley. The bunker is warded. Sam’s guarding this door… but he thought… he thought this time I might want to talk to you alone…. that we might need some privacy. Dean there are things I need to tell you. Things that might help.” 

“Don’t. Not like this.”

“Sam loves you…. I love you.” It wasn’t the way he imagined telling him this. It wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. But Dean needed to hear it and keep hearing it. Dean needed for Sam and Cas to hold onto him. To help him find his way back. 

“Give me more.” 

“It’s too soon.”

“Give me more.”

“It’s too dangerous.” 

“I’m slipping away. The darkness is coming back.”

“We have to time it carefully. We have to build up your tolerance.” 

“Please Cas, I need five more minutes.”

“It’s too soon for you to be feeling the effects of the addiction.”

“It’s not that. I need. You said. I’m…” Deans eyes blazed black. The humanity burned out of his system. Suddenly Cas’ touch was unwelcome and he bucked against his restraints. Meg had loved Cas in her own way but she hadn’t had the mark. She hadn’t been consumed by the darkness the way the mark consumed him. 

Cas moved away. He looked at the vials of blood carefully drawn up. He remembered the carefully constructed plan, the timetable Sam had drawn up, tested on a minor demon, one of Crowley’s henchmen – their guinea pig. 

Cas’ eyes burned with longing. His brow creased with pain as Dean screamed and howled and railed against his bonds. 

It killed him to pack up the vials and walk out of the cell. But he had hope. He had glimpsed Dean. Had seen that deep down Dean wanted to stay. Wanted to find his way back to them. He could wait, if that was what it took, he could take his time. 

 

* * * * * * * * * *

Three weeks later…

“Hey Cas,” Dean smiled. He complained less now. Pretended the injection didn’t hurt as much, and it didn’t. The high was stronger now. The addiction was taking over and he wanted it more and more, even though the guilt hurt. 

“I bought you present,” Cas smiled, placing the White Castle bag in front of Dean.

“White castle? God you are perfect.” 

“Far from it.” 

“You’re amazing and this is amazing. God I missed this.” He liked it when Sammy came too but it was better with Cas. It was easier. With Sam there was too much guilt. 

Cas smiled as he watched Dean eating the burger one-handed because they didn’t dare to untie him. A metal shackle ran from Dean’s wrist to the chair, it was a compromise of sorts between their desire to make him more comfortable and their need to ensure the process was not interrupted, that there be no set backs. Sam and Cas reminded each other over and over again of the importance of staying weary, of not letting their guards down now that Dean was acting more like himself. They had begun testing him – salt, holy water, ‘Christo’ these things all still made Dean uncomfortable, but less so than in the beginning. The transformation was working, they had to trust that, had to believe that, that it was all worth it, but still, they had to remain vigilant. It would only take a small slip and in a moment one of them might be dead and Dean might escape to Crowley and who knew if they would ever capture Dean again. They doubted Crowley would let Dean slip through his fingers again. 

Cas enjoyed watching Dean eat so much more than he should have, watching his green-eyed friend eating just as ravenously as he had hundreds of times before in diners all over the country. 

“Cas about the things you said…”

“That I love you?” Cas asked in a mild tone, bristling internally, bracing for an attempted manipulation from the mark or Dean’s demon-self.   
“I ah, I can’t, I haven’t. I don’t want to say anything unless you know its really from me. But Sam thinks it’s important. He thinks it helped Cain, falling in love helped Cain get control over the mark and if I want to, I should… I need to be honest about my feelings.” 

“Sam told me he’d been talking to you. I’ve heard his theories on this. Have you told Sam how you feel about him?”

“Yeah I did. I have. And more than just the ‘I’m proud of us’ speech, the full girly rundown of it all, I said a lot of stuff, I don’t know how much he believed, what with me being all demony but he said I should anyway. That it seems to help. I think it did help Cas. I feel more like me. I wish I could show you how much I want this to work. Just promise me if it doesn’t you’ll gank me. I’m not scared of dying Cas but I can’t go back to what I was. I can’t hurt anyone. Not anymore.” 

“If I was forced to choose between you and an innocent I hope I would choose wisely.” 

“Promise me Cas.” 

“I promise if it comes to it I will try. You remember Dean I’m becoming more human also… my feelings are less and less under my control.” 

“But you’re not going to die? You’re not going to die are you Cas? You can’t. You and Sammy have to find a way. If you have to take someone’s grace do it Cas, take Metatron’s if you have to, he doesn’t need it, doesn’t deserve it, and he’s just sitting in a jail cell anyway right? What difference would it make?” 

“Could you live with that? Live with knowing it was his grace I carried inside me?”

Dean wanted to say yes. He didn’t want to tell Cas he wondered if the blazing bright white he saw behind Jimmy’s face would look different with Metatron’s grace fueling it. He didn’t care. If it meant he could keep Cas. If it meant Cas was safe, it was worth it. Cas had seen him black-eyed and still told him he loved him. The least Dean could do was forgive Cas for another borrowed grace. “I could live with a lot of things if it meant keeping you safe.” 

Cas wasn’t sure how to react to that. He knew selfishness was a demonic trait but the willingness to do anything, to pay any cost; that was classic Dean Winchester. Cas wouldn’t have hesitated for a moment if Dean had been talking to Sam but he was never sure if Dean actually felt as strongly towards Cas or if it was just wishful thinking on Cas’ part. 

Cas knew now how badly he wanted Dean to care for him. Seeing Dean hate him, mock him, be willing to throw him away like a used toy all made him realize just how deeply he craved Dean’s affection. It felt wrong that Metatron of all people had been the one to put a name to it, to call Cas out for his feelings, but it was a truth Cas had had to come to terms with. He was in love with Dean Winchester. The man in front of him was partly Dean and partly not-Dean. But everyday Cas got a little more of his Dean back. “I hope that won’t be necessary. My brothers and sisters are working on a spell. Hannah has been quite a help; she wishes to repay me for her betrayal. At the very least they hope to save me from dying. At this point I would settle for becoming human again, a short mortal life is better than nothing.”

“But you’d rather be an angel?” 

“I don’t like the thought of being a burden rather than a help to Sam. Hannah continues to encourage my kind to help humanity, to serve humanity, and that is all I ever wanted.”

“Really Cas. You never wanted anything else? You’re allowed to want more than that.” 

“I… I do,” Cas admitted. “But at this time, that is not my priority.” 

“Sam thinks it might help.”

“Sam doesn’t know what he’s asking.” 

“You come in here every day and tell me you love me.”

“Sam says it’s important.” 

“But you never say what you really mean.”

“What’s that Dean?”

“Sam loves me. You don’t love me Cas.”

“You and Sam are my family. My best friends. Is it so impossible that I might love you? Is it so hard for you to believe that an angel could feel what way?” Cas sounded hurt. 

“I know you feel Cas. You try not to but you feel. What was it Meg used to say – you’re broken? You’re a god-damn unicorn. Guess I’m some sort of unicorn too now, a demon with feelings.”

“You won’t be a demon forever.”

“Thank Christ for that.” Dean winched. It hurt to say that. The words burned in his throat reminding him he wasn’t quite human, but he said it anyway because he could. He was proving how far he’d come. “Cas…” Dean reached out a manacled hand. Cas hesitated but then took the hand between his two. Holding it carefully but firmly. Dean smiled. “Who knew it would take turning into a demon and getting jacked up on demon blood to get me to have a chick flick moment huh? Not just one but a whole week of them. Seriously Cas, I’ve been crying all the god-damn time, I’m a mess.” There were tears in his eyes as soon as he said it. He laughed a little, remembering finding Crowley reading Little Women, but then he burned with hate because Crowley wanted this, wanted Dean to be like him. Part of Dean pitied Crowley, because he knew the horrible truth, Crowley didn’t want to be a demon anymore, and making Dean join him was really just a balm. Crowley might have kicked his blood habit but the longing was still there. Would always be there. Dean understood that now. Understood what it was like to love power and hate it at the same time, to love the darkness but also be obliterated by it, to want life and death and heaven and hell and know it was easier to just give into the bloodshed than to try and float to the surface. For some demons it was all so easy, but for Ruby, Meg, Crowley, and now Dean, that lingering thread of humanity had made the demonic life… uncomfortable. Where other demons felt only the thrill they felt the tug of something more. Something human. 

The tug was stronger now; a rip tide pulling him under as he stared into familiar blue eyes. Cas’ skin felt so warm, so alive. Angels and demons weren’t meant to do this, weren’t meant to touch and talk, their magic sparking off each other. Dean couldn’t sort out which sparks had been there before he was a demon and which were new, but they were all intense and consuming and made him want to never, ever, let go. 

“I’m in love with you Cas,” Dean whispered. 

Cas was shocked and hopeful and worried all at once. He knew he should pull away and be on guard… but it had been weeks…. At every sign of temptation he had turned and walked away, asking Sam to take over if necessary, if he could no longer trust himself with the beautiful hunter making the promises and invitations he so badly wanted to hear. 

“It’s not a trick. It’s not the mark or the demon or the blood. It just is. I need to tell you now because when I’m human again I might not want to talk about my feelings so much anymore, pretty sure I’ve talked about them as much as I’m ever going to want to this week alone, but I love you and I am coming back. You’re not going to lose me okay?” Dean promised. 

Cas nodded slightly. Dean’s restraints made it hard for the taller man to move more than an inch towards Castiel but the angel was not so unschooled in matters of romance that he didn’t recognize the intention behind Dean’s semi-parted lips. Cas placed a firm hand against Dean’s left arm, reassuring himself that Dean was still and relaxed, not preparing for an attack though in truth if one came he knew it would be too sudden for there to be any warning. Slowly Cas lent towards the hunter, eyes opened, guarded, until the last second. The kiss was too short and too hesitant as Cas forced himself to jerk away before he lost all control but it was real and it was theirs and it was true. 

Dean sighed and smiled. “Not that I’m against bondage or anything but I’m really looking forward to doing that again one day when I’m not in chains.” He smiled. “You okay?”   
Cas nodded, a little unsurely. He was wonderful, and yet he was still worried this was a trap. 

“Switch out with Sammy okay? You’ve had enough for today. You’re exhausted,” Dean said knowingly. 

“You want me to leave?” Cas was hurt. 

“No, I don’t, but you should. This isn’t easy on you. I get that. We said what we needed to say. We’re good. I know you don’t sleep but you need a break from this and I need to talk to Sammy about his schedule. Make sure he knows that when this all goes down he needs to be front and center. 

“Why?”

“Because if you feel the way I feel about you I don’t know if I can trust you to gank me if this doesn’t work.” 

“I... you might be right. But would Sam?” 

“Honestly I’m not sure. Time was he was ready to give me up, or at least he thought he was, but all that stuff about us not being brothers kind of went out the window when I went and died on him again. I’ve got to get him ready. Make him ready. You too. I have to know he can do what needs to be done. We might need backup on this. Other hunters who aren’t so attached.” 

“That’s very risky Dean, many of the hunters I’ve met seem to shoot first and ask questions later. You’re asking us to trust them with your life.” 

“I’m trusting you with my soul Cas, at least what’s left of it.” 

Cas nodded. “I’ll send Sam in. Goodbye Dean.”

“Bye Cas. See you tomorrow huh? Same time, same place? Sorry I’m such a cheap date,” Dean grinned. 

“This was not how I imagined ‘dating’ but I will look forward to it,” Cas returned. 

* * * * * * * * * *

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't find at beta reader for this so if you pick up any mistakes please let me know and I'll fix them up. If you liked it please leave kudos or a review.


End file.
